Three Different Worlds
I found a new home, however tiny it might be.
During my stay there, I was introduced to a new world.
The world of sensations.
The language of the body.
That made me even more curious about the other worlds.
I leave the outside world.
I go to my tiny home.
I am going to explore the other three worlds.
I am closing my eyes.
I am in the empty space.
I cannot stay here for long.
Thinking is too powerful.
I go to breathing.
That is much better.
Until I start to see the horse.
I go to my tiny spot.
I am stable.
Nobody can move me.
I am not only pulled by thinking.
I am not only pulled by breathing.
I am now also pulled by sensations.
They feel like: we are yours, come join us.
I do not know how to play their game yet,
I am cautious.
I have mind where there is thinking.
I have breathing where there is movement.
I have the body where there are sensations.
Thinking both pulls and moves — too chaotic.
Its pull is strong, unpredictable.
Breathing does not pull, but it moves — continuous.
Its pull is gentle, but its movement is constant.
Sensations pull but do not move — variable.
They are a complete surprise:
where, when, how long, shape, size, color etc.
I have no idea.
They constantly change.
I have full control over thinking, part-time.
I can initiate thinking.
That would be slapping myself.
I have full control over breathing, full-time.
I can change its movement.
I cannot make it disappear.
I can follow it.
That would be slapping myself.
I have no control over sensations.
I cannot make them appear.
I can sometimes make them disappear.
That would be slapping myself.
Each comes in different intensity.
Thinking can be satisfying or unsatisfying.
Breathing can be slow or fast.
Sensations can be pleasant or unpleasant.
Thinking is too unreliable.
Breathing is too monotonous.
Sensations are too unpredictable.
Thinking drags me.
It is a wild ocean.
Breathing moves me.
It is a river.
Sensations attract me.
They are birds on sky.
They are three different worlds.
Each has different rules.
Which world do I want to live in?
I built my house in my apartment.
A thief came.
I built my house in my mind.
Thinking came.
I built my house on breathing. Movement came.
I built my house on the body. Sensations came.
Can I go somewhere else?
Sensations are not thieves.
I can negotiate with them.
They are not a threat to my freedom.
They come and go without leaving a trace.
They invite me to join them, but I sometimes have a choice.
So maybe I can finally respond to:
Will you slap yourself?
I could not operate in the outside world.
I could not operate in the thinking world.
I could not operate in the breathing world.
Can I operate in the sensational world?
I am going to explore this world.
I am going to move around.