The Switch

I made some way through the previous exercises. I am here:

I have the three slap cases to understand which case I am in.

I have full control and full access over something.

I realize that something else might also have the same.

I recognize that this creates a possibility of slapping myself.

I retreat.

Nobody other than me can make me move.

So I eliminated many activities for the sake of finding a place where I can move without influence—where I will not have conflict.

I retreat from relational and physical activities as much as I can, because I recognize I cannot move by myself.

I am in an empty living room.

I am closing my eyes.

I see it now: my mind contains the world.

I am watching my mind like watching the world.

There is movement.

I am in the room, and I am not in the room.

It is like a lamp: it switches on and off.

Light, then dark. Light, then dark.

Similar to getting lost while reading a book.

I am in a familiar landscape. I have been here before.

This is the same problem:

I have full control, but I don’t have exclusive access.

When I have access, I have full control.

There are also moments when I have no access.

One moment I am in my living room.

Another moment I see that I was not in the room.

I know I left only when I am back.

I know a movie was playing only when there is a pause.

I am able to spot three things:

I have no control over the switch.

I am not able to go to the dark voluntarily.

I am not able to come back to the light voluntarily.

I have full control over movement in the light.

I can take my mind wherever I want.

I only know I was gone when I am back.

Not surprisingly, I find the cases of the three slaps exercise here:

This helps me see the absurd claim differently:

Someone asks me to slap myself, I slap myself, and I say someone else slapped me.

Someone is the switch.

The slap comes in dark, and it is felt in light.

The formulation was right, but in the wrong place.

Now it is right in the right place.

I recall it.

In the thief in my living room exercise, the moment the thief appears, a movie begins. I put it on pause.

I saw that the dark could come in between.

The inaccessibility to my hand in the light.

I resumed the movie.

I have no access, no control, and no interest in the dark.

I invite the thief to look at the dark in light, but he has other interests.

So I am looking at the dark in light.

I am not able to see the dark in dark.

I have no control or access over the switch.

I have no control or access over the dark.

I am fully in control and I have full access in the light.

I have no interest in the switch or in the dark.

I am given a moment of full control and full access.

I want to invest my interest and my effort here.

I want to take responsibility for that part.

I am at peace with the switch bringing the dark into my living room.

I let the thief (the dark) take whatever he wants from my living room.

I end up in an empty living room, again.

This time in my mind.

Even momentarily, I have full access and full control.

Even momentarily, I have total freedom.

I found a place where nobody other than me has access.

It is not in the world.

I open my eyes.

the shared room