two lines - I
Senin yanındayım.
Derdine çare değilim.
Senin yanındayım.
Çözümüm yok.
Senin yanındayım.
Çaresizliğine şahitlik edebilirim.
Senin yanındayım.
Sana dua edebilirim.
Senin yanındayım.
Benim de gücüm yok.
Not anymore.
You are a messenger —
of outside.
Now,
you are a messenger —
of inside.
You are just talking.
To whom?
To whom are you talking?
One sentence
over another,
echoing in emptiness.
Commander of the world,
queen of the drama —
Whom are you talking to?
One-man show?
How unbelievable.
How did I believe that?
Are you still talking?
Who is talking?
This is just a joke.
You are ruining this world for me.
Talk as much as you want.
Say whatever you want.
Scream. Fear. Rage.
Who is listening to you?
You will listen to me.
Not anymore.
You are meaningless.
Aren’t you?
So childish.
Come on, boys.
It’s a party.
I want you all to join.
Come out.
Why are you scaring me?
You are scaring yourself.
Am I fake?
As much as you can be.
What will we do?
You won’t do any.
Will we wait?
You won’t do any.
I don’t want to wait.
Don’t wait.
I am helpless.
Yes, you are.
Aren’t you scared?
No.
Life is happening.
Why are you talking?
Like your father.
Like my father.
You have no father.
Nobody owns you anymore.
You are caged.
I am scared.
How can I let it happen?
You won’t.
It will happen —
without your permission.
I will be sad.
Yes, you will.
I don’t want to do anything.
You are not.
I am here
To love you.
You matter to me.
I see you.
I want to honor you.
I want to honor your story.
You are this far from me.
I want to jump on you,
Let myself on you.
My arms are too heavy.
Geldi yine.
Karanlık gibi çöktü üzerime.
Arkan, önün,
Sağın, solun —
Sobe diyor.
Ama gözünü açmıyor.
You want everything.
You want nothing but me.
You want my full trust.
It is too hard.
It is too hard.
I am a failure.
I am a failure.
Keep me with your love.
I am worthy of it.
I will be worthy of it.
Tutmuşsun boğazından.
Kaçacak delik arıyor.
Yes, it is a burnout.
You don’t solve.
You don’t find solutions.
You can stop struggling.
Çok fazla ben vermişler sana.
Benden başka neyin var?
There is hearing —
but nobody is listening.
There are words —
but no understanding.
Anybody home?
Where is my brother?
Mother?
Sister?
A thought?
A memory?
Where am I?
Looking at you.
Are you square?
Are you white?
A radiator?
Solid?
What are you?
Am I to cry now?
In the middle of the drop,
it just cuts.
Someone went to sitting —
then disappeared.
Why do I love you more now?
I am the dead one.
What is the world?
(Sounds more childish than childish.)
He was danced.
Couldn’t stop.
He wanted to dance.
Couldn’t start.
Childish mind has no time to analyze.
Dead mind has no time to realize.
Attention is freed —
jumping around like a child.
Breath or attention —
you cannot control it,
this way or that way.
One becomes a million.
A million becomes one.
Üzgünüm,
Sizden oğlunuzu aldığım için.
Gerçek ile takas edebileceğim tek şeydi.
O gitti.
Onu götüremedi.
Kendisi kaldı geriye.
A voice is not a letter.
Letters not a word.
Words not a sentence.
Sentences not a story.
Stories not a person —
anymore.
With your bare eyes,
you cannot even see your bare ass.
I am angry for being a fool.
What am I to do with you?
You want to fight me?
Here is a warm smile for you.
I am in it.
It is in me.
Move a little.
You look weird.
You talk —
not in words,
but in energy.
Words cannot mask that energy.
Sir, where is your other leg?
Why are you one-legged?
One leg could not carry my entitlement.
A missing leg walked me out of it.
I am thinking.
Thinking am I.
I can’t even beg.
I have done this to myself.
Who is there to save me?
Who is there to protect me?
Who is there to blame?
Like water,
My life goes from my hands.
I cannot hold it anymore.
I am angry.
Why can it not be in another way,
Why?
I want some comfort.
Why can’t I have any?
Is this your truth?
You keep throwing on people’s face.
See how ugly it is!
Your crying will end.
Your truth is ugly.
Ugly is your truth.
Is he gone?
Yes.
Is it going to be like this?
Yes.
I am really sorry.
I wish I could comfort you.
You are so innocent.
Can a thief visit me?
I cannot help myself.
Bir rüyamda kaydettiğim videoyu,
Başka bir rüyamda izliyorum.
Awake.
Went to sleep.
Awake.
Went to sleep.
Awake.
Went to sleep.
Waves,
Going and coming,
To the shore.
I am on the sea side now.
I have control of my life.
Do you?
What are your eyes doing?
What is not free
Cannot make you free.
Neither its suicide,
Nor its escape.
Take your steps
Like your breath—
One at a time.
And watch it.
Don’t participate.
Rush is not your company.
Neither urgency,
Nor impatience.
Know your friends.
There wasn’t any meaning of that.
Why would there be any meaning of this?
Fight them—
It won’t make them more real.
Change your bed—
You will still dream.
Man is afraid of death.
Let him be dead.
You are not a man.
You are not a man.
Your love and your hate,
Both on my shoulders—
I let you go.
Your dreams and your fears,
Both on my shoulders—
I let you go.
2025-06-11
Who is breathing?
Who is breathing?!
Universe.
I met wind the other day:
Its movement,
Its sensation,
Its sounds.
It had no smell.
Ben buradayım.
Eğer kendinizle konuşmak isterseniz.
Memory is left-over.
Don’t keep it.
It will hurt your stomach.
I was upset with you,
For stealing my attention.
You are hardly there now.
You are freer than I.
I was upset with you,
For not paying attention to me.
You are hardly there now.
You are freer than I.
Gözlerim,
Seni değil,
Beni soymuş.
Eyes become my arrows.
I hit in the middle of my heart.
The world doesn’t round me—
The world is in me.
Socrates was a Zen master.
Socratic method deals with koans.
He practiced dokusan publicly.
His famous saying is a koan.
If they did it,
I too can do it.
If I can’t, and die.
Then I try again.
If I am a flower, I will bloom.
There is only I between truth.
My only responsibility,
my only commitment,
my only guide is truth now.
I am offering myself to the truth,
I am offering myself the world.
I walk through my body.
I see in every corner
How much of me you carried—
Without a word.
Now only I can carry you.
“Who am I?”
A murder weapon.
I am upset.
I am the reason.
You are upset.
You are the reason.
The reason is Mu!
Are you upset?
For giving back
What was given?
Lie down in peace.
Have some respect.
Screams were your distance.
Tears, your proximity.
I am sorry,
For turning away from you.
I wanted to be myself,
Different from any other of you.
I became myself,
Same as any other of you.
Being human is no different,
Than being a superman.
Yediklerinin derdi senin.
Topladıklarının da.
2025-06-14
Ey Muhammed,
Sen de gelmedin mi bu dünyaya?
Sen ne taşıyordun kalbinde?
Bu cahil kuluna,
Yalnız ve yolsuz bırakma yarabbim.
A kick’s strength
Is the resistance of the object.
Is there anything in this room
Which I don’t want?
Is there anything I want
Which is not in this room?
Still the movement.
Where am I?
How meaningless it has been—my life.
How many ghosts I have chased.
In how many places I have got lost.
Day and night
Follow each other faster now.
Physical memories,
I was never a fan of.
For mental ones,
I had no choice.
My mind was my home.
Now just a homeless.
The fish saw the ocean.
The ocean saw the fish.
I don’t see you,
But I can hug you.
“Büyüyünce ne olacaksın?”
Mutlu olacağım demedi kimse.
Kimsen değilim,
Ama mutlu ol istiyorum.
Elinden tutup birlikte
Yürümek istiyorum seninle.
İçimdeki huzuru, barışı,
Sevgiyi, sessizliği
Seninle paylaşmak istiyorum.
Yeter, koşma artık.
Ne olursun.
To move a mountain?
In you,
Create a space to hold it.
Sevilmekten başka hiçbir şey hak etmiyorsun.
Can earthquake shake earthquake?
Can storm uproot storm?
Why are you going to what is coming to you?
I am not living.
Life is living through me.
Put him in prison—
He is a danger to himself.
Put him in danger—
He is a prison to himself.
Az önce neredeydin?
Worst nightmares happen in daylight.
Can one know if one sleeps?
Better to assume always in sleep.
I died the same day I became myself.
It is so tempting.
It is so available.
It is so automatic.
Doğruyu taşıyorsun sen.
Bilmiyorsun.
Suya giren ıslanır.
Sen kurusun, görüyorum.
It is not the body—
Mind is the sleepy one.
Mind and body,
They sleep in turn.
That’s your mind while body sleeps.
That’s your body while mind sleeps.
You know the sleep-walker.
How about the walk-sleeper?
2025-06-18
I don’t know what to think of this.
Two eyes cannot show one.
One eye shows two — as one.
True is false.
False is true.
A step is not a step.
Not taking a step is a step.
Another person wants to complain?
Whom to who?
World, people, myself —
all fighting for the lie.
There is nowhere to go.
Why is there even the thought of it?
It’s like a water balloon getting smaller,
It’s squeezed.
Why even fight with the illusion?
Illusion is illusion.
Let it be.
Why even stop fighting?
Fighting is fighting.
Let it be.
Exhale deeper breath, create more space.
2025-06-19
Another one of those days again.
Existence is a burden.
Truth is not here yet —
and all other ways are blocked by it.
All the tastes have been taken away.
What remains of life is tasteless, boring.
The mind is forced to find a way out of this —
fantasizing about quitting work,
starting a different lifestyle,
considering only change, but nothing more.
And then another one speaks —
the one who imprisons me —
telling me to wait.
But not saying what for.
One tells me to go, but doesn’t tell me where.
One tells me not to do anything, which is hard.
Another tells me, do anything, but something.
Not doing anything.
It just shows some of the pain that I carry without noticing.
2025-06-20
Am I to die without truth?
I want to die by the truth.
2025-06-21
There is no stop of this continuously unfolding movie.
2025-06-22
I thought that I never had a TV.
I found one.
Water never looks back.
Olmayan insanlar hakkında niye konuşuyorsun?
Senin tepkin kime?
Sen kimsin?
Ben kimim?
Let me live my lie a little more.
I can’t look at you in the eyes,
That will make two of us.
I have the hammer,
I don’t have the arm.
A fruit goes to a vegetable market.
Your freedom is my trap.
Have you ever complained about gravity?
Why then human affairs?
Let me read a book,
So I can get a bit more enlightened.
I am pissed with this and that,
Let me get it out of them.
This is boring,
Let me eat something indulgent,
Then let me be disgusted with myself.
Summer is here,
But my nose is gone.
I do not smell the flowers.
You are free.
To do what?
For so long,
It was: What am I thinking?
Now: Where is my attention?
Attend to attention.
I need some attention to catch the attention.
I am gone if something is able to consume it all.
Sometimes attention floats,
It is free for grab.
If nothing,
It comes back home.
To breathing.
I am not interested in what is in the car,
I am interested in the car.
Just follow.
The movie never stops.
Neither does the screen.
Who drives you?
Rüyamda gördüm seni.
Yoktun.
Senin olmayanı kim alabilir?
Senin olanı kim verebilir?
Senden başka hiç kimse yok.
Öylece oturdum bekledim.
Diğerleri yok.
Sen de yoksun.
Your fire alarm is on for long already.
You are used to your fire.
He doesn’t think,
He happens,
He doesn’t plan,
He happens.
Oh you sneaky,
If I catch you,
You are ignored immediately.
Your news are old, imaginary, childish.
I am not interested in them anymore.
Pick 3 things about you,
Anything.
Give them to me.
They won’t be yours anymore.
I knew I didn’t have a TV.
I didn’t know I had one.
Probably that’s why.
Life as a whole is a burden.
Carry it moment by moment.
Let life take care of itself.
Shut down your shop.
You are out of business.
Go home.
Only you,
You only can save me from myself.
Başım değil,
Kafam dönüyor.
I don’t know my way to you.
Take me.
Take me to yourself.
I can’t die in your world.
Neither can I live, in your world.
I don’t know what I am.
Ne yakından sevmeyi bildiniz,
Ne de uzaktan sevilmeyi.
Ne sesimi duydunuz.
Ne de sessizliğimi.
I am watching a movie,
It also shows that,
I am watching a movie,
I am watching my reaction,
My reactions to my reactions.
Impersonal suddenly becomes personal.
I am on the stage now.
You don’t own the camera,
you don’t own the actors,
you don’t own the stage.
Yours will be a sad movie.
Do you know the dance of letting go?
Let me throw a stone in the river,
Hopefully it will stay there.
Fingers crossed.
Aç olmayana verilen yemeğin tadı yoktur.
Ölüm eli boş dönecek.
Öteki varken yalnızım.
Tek olduğumda değil.
Gözündeki perde,
Gözüne türban oldu.
Sesinin kuklası değilim.
Baba; 4 harfli bir kelimeydi.
Anne de.
Oğul da.
İsyan edecek bir ben bıraktın mı bende.
Kulluğundan haberi yok,
Peygamberin davranışlarını sorguluyor.
Meditasyon teslimiyettir.
İsyandı sana gelmek.
Gelmiyor artık kelimeler.
Gözyaşları daha hızlı.
Düşüncelerimmiş dünyan.
Birlikte yok oluyorlar.
Gece yarısı uyandım.
Ne kimse var, ne yapacak bir şey.
Tekrar uyuyamıyorum da.
Ben kendime gidiyordum,
Nereye gittim ben?
İçi kesiliyordu,
Aynaya her baktığında.
Alır mıydım,
Senin olduğunu bilseydim.
Affet beni ne olursun.
Utanıyorum konuşmaya.
Utanıyorum yemeye.
Utanıyorum bakmaya.
Utanıyorum bir şey yapmaya.
Utanıyorum kızmaya.
Ne olursun affet beni.
Teşekkür ederim.
Yolunda yürümeme bir gün daha izin verdiğin için.
Teşekkür ederim,
Bana yemekler yaparak karnımı doyurdugun için.
Teşekkür ederim,
İhtiyaçlarımı karşılamamı sağlayan bir iş verdiğin için.
Teşekkür ederim,
Güvenli ve konforlu yaşamamı sağlayan bir ev sağladığın için.
Teşekkür ederim,
Dinlenmeme müsaade ettiğin için.
Benden aldığın ve bana verdiğin her şey için teşekkür ederim.
You, start cooking.
Ingredients will follow you.
There is nothing but you.
You are not even alone.
I am filled with terror,
If I do something my own.
Make my steps yours,
Make my doing yours,
Make my looking yours,
Make my hunger yours,
Make my rest yours.
Protect me from myself,
Protect me from my ignorance,
Protect me from my forgetfulness.
I am scared of moving,
I am scared of acting.
I am scaring of thinking,
I can be in wrong
Even while blinking, breathing.
My very existence is sinful.
Take me.
Free me from this burden.
I am breathing sin,
Make me unconscious of myself.
How can I even ask for forgiveness?
Make me forget myself,
But not you.
Bismillahirahmanirahim,
You skipped even reading that,
Would even that save you now?
Secde de bile günah işleyebilirsin.
Yapsan da günah yapmasan da.
2025-06-23
I release you,
I was your prison.
I was holding you.
Why did you hold me?
I was protecting you.
2025-06-24
One is the most normal,
In the most mad moment.
I can’t help myself.
I could not help myself.
Eyes open or closed —
is there even a difference?
I was the center of my movie,
now hardly an audience.
It is fall.
Leaves are leaving.
Will there be another summer?
It is so lonely
that it forces to believe there must be one.
The others are calling me,
so I can be theirs.
You call me to be me.
Not so readily anymore,
I am willing to take their calls.
My eyes tell me who I am.
They are open, hidden, and unfocused.
Thought is the first generative AI.
Generates even from emptiness.
Generates even from absence.
Driving instructor:
Don’t think — look.
Therapist:
Don’t think — feel.
Meditation instructor:
Don’t think — sense.
Dirty mirror:
A sound.
Human voice.
They are getting to know each other.
What could be dirty mirror?
Clean mirror:
A sound.
Awareness is a paper.
Attention is a pen.
What is the hand?
Yapabilsen,
Dürtünü çikolatanın yanına bırakırdın.
Dürtün değil, sen ye çikolatayı.
Kendine hayır dedin,
Nefsine her hayır diyemediğinde.
Nasrettin hoca eşeğe,
Nefsin sana.
Ters binmişti.
Nasrettin hoca düzeltmişti,
Eşşegi ters yöne bakan sendin.
Sana gelemem ben,
Yüzüm yok artık.
Çikolata ye beni dedi,
Yedin.
Şam gör beni dedi,
Gördün.
Öfke dinle beni dedi,
Dinledin.
İtibar gel dedi,
Gittin.
Takdir ara beni dedi.
Aradin.
O, ben buradayım diyor.
Uyuyorsun.
İnsanı çamurdan yaptık,
Acınızı taşısın diye.
Söyleyemedi hiç biriniz,
Neden büyüklere saygı diye.
Gözyaşlarım söyledi.
Nesilleri giymişti üstüne.
Kar değil, acı yağıyordu.
Kış değil, hayattı bu.
Nenesi bildiği en dış katmandı —
En çok o üşüyordu.
2025-06-25
“Allah yok.”
Peki sen?
“Kimin önünde eğiliyorsun?”
Sen kime cevap arıyorsun?
Sen hep yanımdaydın.
Vücudun şimdi geldi.
Seni değil —
Acını taşımak istiyordum.
Çaresizim.
Uyandırdı gece.
“Rüya görme, beni dinle,” dedi.
Save your own world.
The world is in good hands.
Yalnızlığıyla kavga etmedi,
İçine uyudu.
Aynayı temizliyordu,
Kendini kesti.
Ayna ayna, söyle bana:
Var mı benden başkası bu dünyada?
Attention and awareness.
Body and earth.
Eyes and scene.
Pen and paper.
Hand and body.
Knock, knock.
Ne kadar toprak atmışsın üstüne,
Daha ölmeden.
Hayali babamın karşısındayım.
Ona bir tane kendine-gel atıyorum.
Şoka girsin istiyorum.
Gel, ağaçlara sarılalım.
Dinlesene, ne anlatıyor?
Seni anlatıyor bu.
Seni ve ruhunu tanıyorum.
Sen olmadan önce tanış–tık biz.
Hiçbir şeyden gelen, hiçbir şeye zarar vermez.
Hiçbir şeyden gelene, hiçbir şey zarar vermez.
Have you seen the truth?
It would blind you.
Are you blind?
This is not truth-telling.
It is un-truthing.
Where is logic, if you ask?
You are still looking for what you see.
Is that blindness?
You look too sane and proper
for a truth-bearing.
Have you seen a straight river?
That’s truth-bearing —
bent again and again
until it reaches its source.
Hoca, gölün maya tuttu.
Yoğurdun sarhoş etti.
Hoca yoğurdunu bitirmiş,
diğerlerine yoğurt mayalıyor.
Hocanın bir gün canı sıkılmış,
“Gönle ayna olayım,” demiş.
2025-06-27
Your body is an instrument,
Is it in tune?
Which songs does it play?
Who plays it?
Known knows known.
Known is suffering.
In whys.
Unknown doesn’t know.
Unknown is resting.
In silence.
Look, here is itchy.
I am not scratching it.
I am not the itch.
I am not the itching one.
I am not the watching one.
All is gone.
Talking and doing,
Are like external hemorrhoids.
Thinking is the internal one.
Your spirit is gentle.
You want to lead?
Go ahead.
Consequences are yours.
You didn’t break my heart.
You cracked my mind.
Where is my guru?
Inside you.
Sit, and wait patiently.
You are not damaged,
What you carry is.
The war is over.
Your weapons and wounds,
Why do you still carry them?
What can the earth do,
To block sun?
That’s us.
What can you do,
To take my love for you from you,
I will burn it.
You are closer than my arm.
I don’t want any suffering for you.
Many billboards in mind,
They will all go down.
Your days are dark.
I can only walk eyes closed.
2025-06-28
You are dying.
I can’t hold you anymore.
Why is this happening?
Is a different world than
I don’t know why this is happening.
You are dying.
Piece by piece,
I carry you to grave.
No pressure for the next,
No pressure for the step,
It is a dance.
I am dancing in the streets,
Where there is nobody.
I am not scared,
I am so lovely.
A butterfly.
Unprotected.
Without a danger.
This is not an empire,
This is a grave,
Being built
By not a king,
By a no body.
All fight for my attention.
My gaze is locked in my heart.
I sat in my body.
Ayakları çözülüyordu.
Gelmişti.
I am not going.
I am there.
I am in the moment.
It doesn’t go anywhere.
Do you move in the car?
The car never moved me.
I moved the car.
What a burden that was.
Seni Allah’ın emanatine bıraktın.
En iyisini o bilir.
Ben misafirim,
Ben bilmem.
Renounciation.
What?
Your blindness?
Were you ever the owner?
I took it from you.
Thought it was mine.
Fair is fair.
I wish I could draw my lightness for you.
Fog is going away.
There is no answer.
Only silence.
The rest is betrayal.
O bizi aramıyorsa,
Biz de onu aramayız.
Tuvalet ile de ilişkin böyle mi?
2025-06-29
I am not the experimenter.
I am the experiment.
Has anyone breathed through your nose?
It is a chimney.
One may think that
Ego is invisible.
All of one is ego.
Bedeni teslim ettim.
Onlar yıkıyor.
Imagine a life:
Your hand constantly stroking your genital,
That attention constantly thinking your mind.
I can make my ass my mind.
It has no problems of overthinking.
When I stop singing,
Birds start singing.
Bu dünyaya dokunmadan mı gideceksiniz?
Bu gerçege dokunmadan mı gideceksiniz?
Nobody has ever walked your path.
Nobody can ever walk your path.
You are your path.
Forget the god.
You don’t believe in death.
If you would,
You would die in this instant.
How can you not believe in death?
How can you still live?
How can you still sleep?
Death is right there.
In front of your eyes,
Will you turn your back?
If you knew death,
You would sit in your grave,
In your body.
2025-06-30
Your sense of worthlessness,
Same as the value you keep.
Total sum of valuable items and people
is the amount of your worthlessness.
You are owned by what you own.
You ridicule by what ridicules you.
I will tell you one step at a time.
You don’t need the whole map.
Your mind is my simulator,
Just watch, don’t get involved.
You will know your part.
I burn all your images,
So I won’t forget you.
I see you naked.
Don’t be ashamed.
I am not a police,
Put your protection down,
Let me hug you, for once.
I will hold you,
I swear.
I never let you.
Melt in my arms,
You won’t disappear.
I know nobody saw you.
I see you.
Look me in the eye,
Share this moment with me.
Let’s witness this together.
Hold the moment.
The moment holds you.
Bebeğin götüne vurdukları gibi,
Dövmek istiyorum bazen seni.
Kendine gel diye.
Nefes al diye.
Dünyaya gel diye.
Uyan diye.
The world turns,
Why are you running after it?
Life is seducing,
Can you hold your gaze?
Can you hold your fantasy?
Can you hold your touch?
Can you hold your grabbing?
Can you hold your chasing?
I don’t want to carry you,
I want to throw you away.
So we can fly together.
I won’t value what you value,
I value you.
I won’t respect what you respect,
I respect you.
I will go away from what holds you,
I will stay with you.
I cooked you my favourite.
Why don’t you eat?
Eat it!
You don’t love me.
You don’t care about me.
I don’t mean anything to you.
I don’t love you.
I don’t care about you.
You don’t mean anything to me.
I don’t love myself.
I don’t care about myself,
I don’t mean anything to myself.
You mean nothing to me.
Walk in peace,
Like nothing is yours.
Don’t touch it.
Respect it.
Like all is yours,
Let go of your worry,
Truth is hidden in that moment,
It is not here right now.
Truth here is peaceful,
it is a cup of tea.
Grab it by moment,
Don’t be greedy.
I am not scared of you.
I am scared of my fear.
I am not angry at you,
I am angry at my anger.
Each step I don’t take,
Pulls me down,
Each step I take,
Push me forward.
Come,
I will show you something,
You are in it,
But you are not part of it,
Just show up,
Witness,
And walk away.
Stillness:
In movement,
In talk,
In thought.
Breaks down all.
Shut up!
So the truth can speak.
Shut up!
So the silence can be heard.
Unknown is in my stomach.
I can’t digest it.
Art is the artist.
The artist is in the art.
Expressed is the artist.
That’s your solution.
I don’t even know:
The problem.
My problem.
How it feels to me.
The sun is always there.
Why would I stay with clouds?
I don’t want to solve software problems,
I want to figure out where to shit next.
Başını değil,
Ayaklarını dövüyordu.
Yol bu.
Yürü!