The Breathing
I am in my empty living room.
I am looking for a place where I can have full control, full access, and total privacy.
I did not like the idea of sharing a room with Dark, so I let him have the thinking.
I already have a place where I have full control and full access—temporarily.
Dark make the shared room uncomfortable.
I am going to look for another entertainment besides thinking.
I can move out of that room.
I am closing my eyes.
What a boring space this is, I think.
Thinking is still there. I leave him alone.
Whenever I arrive in a new place, I watch first.
That feels the safest.
I take a step only when I know it is safe.
So what is safe here?
I wander through this space.
I run into breathing.
I am going to watch him.
Is he safe?
He is always there.
He is neutral.
He does not make me uncomfortable.
He does not change like the room I shared with Dark.
I am settling.
Whenever I get my moment of full freedom, I look for breathing.
I feel a place of refuge.
I can take a breath here.
I can rest here.
Dark is still around, but I am not interested in him.
He is not friendly.
I go to breathing; he does not ask me to slap myself.
I do not feel slapped.
I start to feel good about this place.
It is not as chaotic as Dark and thinking.
Breathing does not abandon me.
He is always with me.
He is always there for me.
I can share my freedom with him.
So I choose to invest in him.
All my freedom goes to him.
I have finally found a place that fits my requirement of freedom.
The switch, the dark, and thinking are still there.
I am not interested in them.
They have no influence on my freedom.
I do not want control over them.
I do not want their control over me.
I do not go to them voluntarily anymore.
I found a new room.
But I am suspicious, though.
I have a history of slapping myself:
with work,
with the thief,
with Dark,
with thinking.
Is breathing going to ask me to slap myself too?
I am opening my eyes again.