Peace in Sweden

Thoughts about van life, Urfa life, and all that — they’ve calmed down.
They’re not pulling me around anymore.
I don’t feel the urge to search or think about those things today.

I’m on my way to the office. There aren’t many people.
Schools are closed; there is not much crowd in Halle.
The weather is also nice — not too hot, just a casual summer day.
One thing I feel now:
But still, it’s not like Linköping, Sweden.

It’s calmer than Brussels, yes —
but it’s still too loud, too full of movement.
compared to my memories of Linköping:
the calmness, I don’t remember any rush there.
It feels like it is always calm.

It’s about stimulation, you know.
You want to soak yourself in the environment.
Imagine it like water — and you are a cup.
But the water is more than your cup.
The cup is ruined, and the water is ruined.

Imagine a calmer place —
where only one or two things move at a time:
a bird playing around,
a car passing on the street,
maybe a bicycle,
or sudden a voice from the distance.

Now I sit at the office with the window open.
It’s not so bad,
but still — something feels off.

The traffic is almost constant,
and harsh.
They are fast, in a rush — angry even.

It’s strange.
The sounds, the wind — they all turn into zeros and ones,
like I’m a computer.
It feels like I’m hearing for the first time.
The world, the machine, the nature — all alive.

And the birds — what are they doing, for God’s sake?
It’s like a joke thrown in randomly.
As if an artist said:
I’m putting these random things here — will anyone notice?

Most of the movement and sound comes from humans.
Aren’t they special animals?
They’re like the nature of nature.

Imagine no human existence:
The sun rises and sets.
Spring comes, winter leaves.
Birds come and go.
It’s so strange. So wild.

I’d like to stay in that place in Sweden —
with that feeling, that moment.
It is care-free.

Human hands touched the environment there,
but their touch is invisible.
It is so clean —
the road, the air, even the sky — just one clear piece.
There is nothing disturbing.
Everything felt as if it had to be there.
It is just peace.
How is that possible?

One could say that peace is abstract.
You can hold it in that place.
there are people, but there is no one.

Everywhere else I’ve been —
my hometown, my family’s town, Istanbul —
they were different.

Poland had something similar — Gdańsk, maybe.
Not the same, but close.

Germany is different.

I want to lie down under a tree. hopefully there will be some cool breezing. I dont know if i want someone around, but if must, it must be someone who can stay quite. no talking, just to share the space. just be together. and then what i dont know. it feels like something must be done. somewhere to go. but i dont know what. i personally dont want to. but that urge, it is like water is so used to flowing in that direction, so it feels so natural. like a magnet. how funny that would be? a river is flowing but something is pulling its water, so it is changing course.

imagina a circle, this is life or awareness, everything that exist. then there is you, the ego self. it imitates the circle, from a dot, it enlarges itself to be the whole life itself, just itself nothing else. so it is similar but does not matter what, it is only inner of the outer circle. so as the ego enlarges there is small space left between inner and outer circles. and i call the place of suffering. because we know, inner circle cannot fully influence/control outer circle. but now inner circle left not much space between the two. so smaller the gap between circles, the more suffering there is. because there is not enough space to hold the pain.

so ego enlargered itself but could not become the outer circle. it is impossible. bound to suffer. so it tries the other way, gets smaller, and smaller. but it is painful. becuase it is opposite of accumulation, all attachment. so lets assume it managed to become the dot again. a dot so small. in the middle of the outer circle. it can be an eye now watch the whole circle, but something else is interesting. a moment, and the dot dissapears. it becomes the outer circle. do you see that?