Half Lotus
I was guided into a half lotus position.
Suddenly I felt an urge of strength.
How powerful I was.
I felt unmovable.
Nobody could move me.
My root was so deep,
so stable,
so static.
Anger started to rise.
It was like:
Bring it on. Come and beat me. Do whatever you want.
Anger built up and up.
I felt like hitting something,
I could punch a wall.
It was getting intense — my breathing, my jaw.
My left hand and fingers shaped themselves to hold,
then I slapped my right knee.
A strange gesture — a show of strength.
Like saying:
This is how I am. Nothing can touch me. I own this.
The feeling of self-control was in another level.
It was restrained anger.
Then my right hand squeezed my pants, almost tearing them apart,
jaw locked, tears falling down.
I had never felt that strong in my life.
Nothing on earth could disturb me.
It could do anything to me,
but it could not disturb me.
I could take anything.
My anger was protective.
It could take any pain and return nothing.
As nobody could move me, I could not move either.
I could reach only arm’s length — nothing more.
So this was a different kind of anger,
a different kind of strength.
My breath changed.
Anger was moving.
this time I hit my palms together,
another kind of gesture,
like hitting my knee.
Not to threaten anyone,
but to say:
I can swallow your discomfort.
You could even pee on me — that is nothing to me. \
I made strange sounds, even scary ones —
weird rhythms of breathing,
like a pressure cooker.
Then came the strangest sound from my belly —
I don’t know if it was laughing or crying or screaming —
but it was pleasant.
I felt like someone else was showing their head.
That was the moment I realized how powerful the lotus sitting is.
And I thought —
of those “power positions” they teach in body language.
Nothing compares to the lotus.
Those legs are locked.
Protective, not aggressive.
Stable.
You can connect your punch to the strength of the earth.
I felt I could bring down a wall.
I could protect myself easily,
without moving much.
Even if I got hit,
I could handle it.
Straight back, straight neck.
The power in my fist —
I had never held such a strong fist before.
I was amazed.
Somewhere in between,
I thought of sitting like this before an audience —
eyes closed, swinging gently, peaceful.
Telling them:
Slap the person in front of you.
Then the one who was slapped will turn and kiss the hand of the one behind.
This is life — give and take, take and give.
This lotus stance — the restraint, the immobility —
it amazed me.
It was like an iron ball:
nothing could touch it,
nothing could be added,
nothing could be removed.
You could only come close to it.
It asked nothing from the world. And yet it had capacity for the world. It was the world.