Back to Nothing

Tue, Jul 1, 2025

I don’t feel good with my solution,
or the possibilities that I can see.

I also feel upset —
for being unreasonable a little.

Who wouldn’t want to live like a king,
but not work like a slave?

I don’t want their work,
but I want their money.
I don’t want their apartments,
but I want their safety.
I want to be in Urfa,
but I don’t want its social life.
I want to be supportive of my family,
but I don’t want them to prison me.
I want to be in Urfa,
but I don’t want to leave the EU.
I don’t want to deal with the practicalities of a vehicle,
but I want its freedom to move.

Everything has its opposite.
Everything has its cost.
Being human is costly.
You have to earn your living.
I don’t want it.
I just want to be.
I don’t know how.

I am walking back to nothing.
But nothing is scary.
It feels impossible.
Nothing is so calling,
but it is unbelievable.

I need a shelter.
I need food.
I need to clean myself.

Last time I was here,
I thought of running away from everything
without telling anybody anything.
But now,
now it feels like something else.

It feels like nothing —
but not running.
I am not running from anything or anyone.
I am here, right here.
As I am.

I won’t kill you.
You are not mine.
But your problems are not mine either.

I release you.
I release you.
God protect you.
God save you.

---

You are going.
You are gone.
What happened to you?
Where did you disappear into?

You are here,
but you are gone.
You are not running,
but you are so distanced.

You are so weak,
but you are not worried.
You are cracked right open —
all over the place,
but nowhere to be seen.

What happened to you, my dear?
What happened?

Can you stay in the air?
Who is going to hold you?
Why don’t you ask?
Are you tired?
Why don’t you speak to me?
Aren’t you going to stop me?
Where are you?
What happened to you, my dear?

Aren’t you going to fight me?
Why don’t you discuss with me?
You have arrived.
There is no more escaping from here.

How calmly you are leaving.
I thought you would storm out.
You are not even walking out.
You did not even come in.