an interesting state
I feel like my spine is building a better structure for itself, around itself, to hold itself better.
This is an interesting state —
because it’s similar to being stuck, but it is not stuck.
It is still, but it is not stuck.
I feel like iron, but actually, I am just a leaf.
It’s not that nothing can move me, but there is no wind.
It’s not a desert either.
It is not wet, it is not dry.
It is both, and either.
It is like being ready to take any shape, but no shaper is around.
It is not laziness, because there is something to be done —
but there is no energy or willpower to do it. Or resistance.
Laziness is on a lower level.
Like fire that is not firing, you know?
I don’t have to worry about getting warm or not getting burned.
Fire is lazy.
Doing is not lazy — being is lazy.
I am ready to feel the deepest sadness.
I am ready to feel the deepest joy.
I am not a cup.
I am water itself.
I am flowing water.
But I am not flowing.
Just waiting to be contained.
I am a drop falling,
but I am always in the air.
I am fire,
but I am not burning.
I am thinking,
but I am not.
The earth doesn’t rotate.
The world doesn’t move.
Only a hand is moving.
Memories don’t roll.
If anything, hardly a picture.
No stories.
I am a soap balloon —
not the space around,
not the space inside.
Have you ever drunk coffee for its own sake?
Water and fire are similar — but also different.
You can hold water, but can you hold fire?
Water can destroy fire,
but fire can also destroy water.
Water doesn’t need anything to flow;
it exists by itself,
its movement is within itself.
But fire is not as independent as water —
fire needs something to exist, to move, to continue.
What I’m saying is so simple, but it fills me with joy.
I met water long ago, but fire — our getting to know each other is only recent.
When water first visited me, I understood I used to be a dried desert.
Now I feel I am being visited by fire, and it moves.
Oh, how it moves.
Who can stop it?
It is an unmatched power.
Water wants to flow.
Fire wants to be directed.