still moving
I am sitting on the ground. My back rests on a circular column. I must be tired. Still, I can see scary things happening around me. I am scared. I am terrified. I cannot think, I cannot move. That feeling is my whole world, my whole being. I do not know what to do. I am not able to think anything anyway. I am not there anymore; it is just that feeling. My existence is replaced by that feeling. However, soon something else is starting to happen; actually, it already started happening. I just realized that I am sitting.
My body is sitting, but my mind is still moving. Through different scenes. Like flashes. Most of them are scary, even terrifying. This time, what happens is that I am sitting, but what scares me is moving. So, a journey starts. I am sitting, I am moving. I know I was moving the moment I am sitting. While I am sitting, I remind myself, I am sitting in a safe place, I have a vehicle right across from me. That is my sign of the initial, safe, resting place. Scary things keep happening. They are racing with each other. One is scarier than the other. So now there is a switch between the scary thing and sitting. Am I the switch? Am I dark or am I light? Or what else? Who is going to win this war? Even sometimes they mix. While the scary episode happens, I can catch a glimpse of the vehicle. I feel safe. It assures me that the car is not going away, but whatever that is, it will go away. The previous one went away.
One goes away, but they are all together not going away. As I am able to think a bit in that space where I feel safe, I do not have many options. Apparently, I need to do something. Scary things are endless. There is no end to them. I am starting to feel the ground because I would like to hold onto something. I do not want to be taken away by these scary things. My fingertips touch the ground. It is not a strong hold, but barely touching. I am not strong enough; my solutions are not good enough. Scary things have their way. The moment I find a way to stay away from them, they become different things.
Now I have something different. I cannot believe it. So far, they were visions. They were wind. They were memories. And similar. They would appear, they would disappear. They had no power touching me. They had no power to move my body. Now I have something in front of me; it is going to take me away. He wants to take me away. He is not disappearing. He is able to hold on to me, have a hold of me. I have no choice. I go after him. I hate this. I do not want to do this.
Now we are moving between cars. There are four cars parked head to head, creating a square. We are both rolling under these cars. I feel stronger than him for a moment. He is small. He is an adult but like a dwarf, a baby-sized adult. I take his big boot. While some of his body parts are under the car, I hold his head down on the ground and start smashing his head using the boot. I cannot stop hitting. I am hoping to kill him so I can get rid of him. It is not happening. I am angry. I am so angry. I am as angry as I was scared some moments ago. And I am still desperate. I am desperate that I cannot get rid of it; I am not able to even kill him. What can I do? What else can I do?
As he is not dying, I am waking up slowly. Maybe the moment he died, I woke up. It is happening so slowly. I am afraid to open my eyes because of the possibility that I may see a scary thing. Without much of my control, little by little, I feel them opening. I started to feel my body after some time. It gave me the same sense of safety as the vehicle. It felt like waking up from dying or killing. My frozen body woke up, not yet able to move but at least awake. Still is moving.
I am lying down on the bed.
…
I just realized that I am lying down.